Diva Cup: Two Years On

The first time I wrote about the Diva Cup, I was a newbie. The second time, I was ready to review. This time, I come to you with a pro/con list that will knock your socks off and leave you begging for more. More Diva Cup, that is. On to the list!

Here’s the deal. Almost every single person I’ve ever told that I am a Diva Cup convert has let the classic “EW” fly from their mouths. Why is it so gross? Is it grosser than shoving cotton up you HooHa to absorb your monthly bill? Is it as gross as letting Aunt Flo hang out in your panties on a cotton pad all day? Listen, let’s cut the bullshit. Periods are stupid and nasty and annoying and dumb. But we have them. And we have to deal with them in the best way we know how, which does not include ignoring the fact that you’re bleeding from an orifice for days on end. Ugh, god it’s the worst. I mean, really.

Pros:

  • I have created ZERO waste during my period for almost two years. No tampons, no pads, nada.
  • I spend zero dollars on my period. I bought the Diva Cup almost two years ago and have never spent another dime.
  • I don’t have to be discreet with the Diva Cup. I don’t hide anything up my sleeve to run to the bathroom at work. It’s in my body and you don’t even know (unless I tell you).
  • The instructions say to leave it in for 12 hours, but I routinely leave mine in for 24 hours with no problem whatsoever. Do what makes you feel comfortable, of course.
  • You can pee with it in.
  • You can poo with it in.
  • You can boil that bastard. Seriously! Put your Diva Cup in boiling water for a few minutes to thoroughly clean it and all will be oh so right with your beloved HooHa.
  • You get to know yourself. REALLY WELL. I’m not sure if this is a pro or a con, but I’m listing it as a pro because “knowing” yourself allows you to tell other people how to “know” you. Ahem.
  • I never have to worry about feeling “that feeling”. I call it the meerkat. You know, when you’re minding your business and all of a sudden you realize that your tampon has reach its breaking point and all menstruation is heading for the exit like the flood rushing through the mines in the Temple of Doom. This is what you look like when that happens:

meerkat

See how the little ones are clutching each other in fear? That’s the fear we all have when the menstrual flood approaches.

Cons:

  • It can get messy. You should know this going in, but here’s the non-sugar coated truth: you’re cleaning out your menstruation in a sink, so you see and possibly touch everything.
  • Sometimes I have to force pee out a little bit because I think the Diva Cup is resting on my bladder somehow. Pee can come out slowly.
  • The Diva Cup can become so well rested inside you that it can be slightly tricky to get it out. Sometimes I have to try again and get a new angle. The body is a mystery, amiright?
  • It can “leak” if it’s not inserted the correct way. Once you get the hang of it, it’s all vegan gravy.

Basically, I love this thing. I feel like my life is better since I’ve been using it. If it’s not for you, I get it. But you’ll have to take my Diva Cup out of my cold dead hands before I change my ways.

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Decorating Apartments You Don’t Have Yet and Other Musings

I’m moving into a two-bedroom, two-bath apartment in a few weeks and I’M SO EXCITED. As in: I cannot stop buying stuff for the apartment that I do not live in yet. I’m trying to control myself…I’ve banned myself from going to Target because that place is like walking into a giant pit where all my money leaves my body. You guys, the other week I went into Target to buy ONE THING (the new Ben & Jerry’s vegan ice cream. Have you guys tried it??) and then I blacked out and $86 later I find myself in my car wondering what happened. But it was all stuff I NEEDED for the new apartment. There was a green garden gnome fortheloveofgodalmighty. Ahhhhhhhhh ugh. So I can’t go to Target anymore, or Walmart (they had a $5 mirror that I had to have), or apparently any store in Little 5 Points (there were these Atlanta-themed coasters that called to me from inside of a hippie store), or shop at Amazon, or Etsy, or a thrift store, or anywhere else that sells items for purchase. All of this is to say that I have a problem and this is my cry for help.

Let’s talk about some new foodz!

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Check out that VEGAN caption!

I found these bad boys at Walmart and had to try them. They taste like a buttery blueberry muffin, which is to say I inhaled two of them and broke the speed of sound.

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Go, Kroger!

Kroger has really stepped up its vegan game, in my opinion. These patties are HUGE and seriously delicious. I had one for dinner last night and will eat another for lunch today. I highly recommend these.

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Yum!

You may or may not already know that Earth Balance makes sticks of vegan butter. These are perfect for baking because the measurements are already on the side. Or, if you’re like me, they’re perfect to bring to work and keep in a baggie so that you can butter your blueberry waffles. DON’T JUDGE ME.

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I ate the entire box.

Please tell me that you already know this: Thin Mints are vegan! Welcome to swim suit season, thin mint eaters!

What new products have you guys tried?

Hello. It’s me.

So, yeah. It’s been 8 months since I last wrote. I have pretty much been dreading this post since August of last year. But it’s time. This post may be a slight downer but I promise that afterward it’s back to food posts and longing to pet cows and epic rants that involve wondering why vegan chocolate costs more than regular chocolate (but seriously, WHY).

I started working as a teacher in August of 2015. I believed wholeheartedly that it was going to be my career for the rest of my life. I thought I would love it. But I soon realized that not only did I not love it, but that I hated it. Teaching was not at all what I thought it would be, and I do blame myself for being naive. I hated that most of my day was spent disciplining, or completing bureaucratic paperwork to prove how you’re teaching, or that I could hear teachers yelling at students across the hall. It was less about what and how you’re teaching, and more about kicking students out of my class and punishing. I think there was only 1 week total in my almost 4 months of teaching that I did not cry. Usually, I cried on the way to school and on the way home. I always always always cried while lying in bed, wondering how much longer I could hold on. I felt beaten down. It seemed like the dream I had longed for was dead and that I was a failure. Why didn’t I love it like so many others? Why couldn’t I be happy doing this?

One Wednesday in November, I came home and laid on the couch and sobbed. My mom told me that I should quit. But wasn’t this job what I was supposed to do with my life? Wasn’t this what I was meant to be? That Wednesday, though, I gave myself permission to change and to end the pain. I realized that I deserve better than this. I turned in my notice that Friday and never went back to the school.

My mom eventually suggested that I start taking antidepressants. They took a while to work, but I do think that the combination of antidepressants and quitting my job helped to heal me. I went to work for a dear friend who owns a restaurant while I figured out what I wanted to do with my life. For the first time in my entire adult life, I didn’t have a plan. And it felt amazing! I started to feel like ME again. I was laughing, hanging with friends, smiling, enjoying the sunshine.

When 2016 started, I was ready for anything. Teaching felt (and still feels) like a dream, like it may not have even happened. It’s hard to even remember being in that classroom. I randomly got an email from the law firm I used to work for as a paralegal, and yada yada yada I’m back at the firm full time. Crazy how life works out, right?

I’m moving into an apartment in the city in a month and I’m excited for what’s to come. The following things will all be discussed: getting back to yoga, going to therapy, walking/jogging again, horrible and not-so-horrible dates, and figuring out how to keep climbing mountains. All while eating delicious foods. Stay tuned!