My Girl’s Trip Can Beat Up Your Girl’s Trip.

I mean, I hate to burst your bubble and all. But any attempts to top my girl’s trip will be thwarted majestically, while my girl’s trip rides off into the sunset on top of a unicorn that poops rainbows and sings “Don’t Stop Believin'” with such operatic stylings that Steve Perry would weep.

My friends all are married with kids and desperately needed a vacation so badly that I started to see panic in their eyes. You know right before you lose your shit, when even the slightest offense can bring tears to your eyes and rage to your heart? That’s where they were. That scary place where moms tend to go that I have no clue about, this is where they were on Thursday when we pulled out of town. The destination: Myrtle Beach. The time frame: long weekend. The reason: Operation Get Your Shit Together.

We rolled in to the beach late Thursday night after a delightful dinner at Taco Bell. Seriously, though, that place brought the heat that night. My usual meal (bean burrito ordered “fresco style”, add potatoes, add rice) was DELICIOUS, as if they actually gave a shit for a moment in life about making good food. We were all tired when we rolled in so we went to bed, but not before greeting the ocean with a smile.

Me likey da beach.

Me likey da beach.

Friday morning, we were well rested and ready to roll. A breakfast buffet later (I made my own breakfast of Tofurkey sausage and a Smart Bacon sandwich with Just Mayo and avocado) and we were fat and happy and on our way to the grocery store. Come to find out, the local Food Lion has quite the selection of veg friendly foods. They have Morningstar Farms and Boca (not all vegan, but a helpful step), Earth Balance butter, Silk Egg Nog (we’ll touch upon that later), and some of the most delicious microwave store-brand popcorn I’ve ever had. After buying far too many beers, we were set for the weekend.

We went to Damon’s for a late lunch/early dinner, which is apparently “THE place for ribs.” Somehow, my former anxiety that used to come with going to a meaty restaurant has been replaced by a sense of adventure. It’s almost a challenge now to find something delicious to eat and to make my own meals, but I’m up for it. At Damon’s, along with a couple of beers, I got: a plain baked potato, the seasonal veggies (sauteed squash/zucchini/red peppers), and the Salad in the Orchard (no cheese). I am usually not one for having fruit on my salads…I tend to not mix sweet with savory because it doesn’t make sense in my brain. But that salad was AMAZING.

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After dinner we wandered back to our place along the beach with a big ol’ bright full moon staring back at us. It was hot tub time. It was a hot tub and cold beer and whipped cream vodka with egg nog (a delight!) and drunken conversation and heavy on the eating kind of night. It was quite lovely. There was no drama, no hurt feelings, no anger or tears. There was only smiling and laughing and living and that big ol’ bright full moon and us and all was right with the world.

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Because I’m old, I never sleep well anymore when I’ve been drinking. The good news is that I just don’t drink that much anymore. So when I do, my body freaks out and my main malady is a pounding headache the next morning. My cure: a grilled cheese made with Field Roast’s Chao cheese and a McDougall noodle cup and 4 ibuprofen and approximately 3 bottles of water. I was right as rain after that!

Chao grilled cheese!

Chao grilled cheese!

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Saturday proved to be just as amazing as Friday, with movies being watched and some day drinking and tons of snacking. I brought pumpkin seeds with me and my new favorite food: Dang toasted coconut chips. Dear sweet baby Olaf, it tastes like butter in my mouth, but is much more socially acceptable to eat. We eventually wound up at Angelo’s for dinner where we had a very nice Italian meal that left everyone in a food coma of sorts. I was able to get some salad with no dressing (lemon wedges as dressing is the shiz) and rolls with no garlic butter, and for my meal I got spaghetti with marinara and added broccoli for some extra greens. We walked back in the rain and continued the party in the hot tub until we ran out of beer, and we finished the night with yummy snacks and water and movies and laughter.

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On Sunday, we packed up to head home. We did the girl’s trip right and we showed Myrtle Beach who was boss (hint: it’s us) and we had a great time. My friends are back to their husbands and children while I begin my seasonal job and plan to start the Crazy Sexy Diet in a couple of weeks. If you need me, I’ll be wearing these slippers forever.

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At my seasonal job: where I too hope to be Ass of the Month one day.

At my seasonal job: where I too hope to be Ass of the Month one day.

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Oh! I finally made zoodles and they were AMAZING. They’re super wet, and I even put them in a colander and they still created a puddle on my plate. Any suggestions?

 

Zoodles!

Zoodles!

This picture is my spirit animal.

This picture is my spirit animal.

My cat clearly missed me while I was gone. She's obviously given up on life.

My cat clearly missed me while I was gone. She’s obviously given up on life.

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