Well, friends. I’ve done it. I’ve successfully Diva Cupped my way through a period. Was I scared? Absolutely. Frightened? You betcha. Seriously wondering where I went wrong in my life and wondering how to fix myself? NEVER. Because I am and will always remain a dirty hippie. With the Diva Cup, I have managed to go where few others have gone before: to a dirty hippie heaven that involves little to no waste and no annoying little tampon bastards. I DID IT!
Let’s get to the nitty gritty, homies. This is an A & B conversation, so all the kiddies and men folk need to C their way out. Because we’re about to get closer (virtually, of course) and get to know our cycles a little better. To be honest, I feel closer to my undercarriage area than I ever have before. That tends to happen when you Diva Cup it.
So first, what does it look like? It looks like this:
There are two sizes. Model 1 is for women 30 years of age and under and who have never delivered children vaginally or by C-section. Model 2 is for women 30 years of age or older and/or those that have delivered children vaginally or by C-section. So if you’re 29 years old and have no children, Model 1 is for you. If you’re 29 years old and have children, Model 2 is your best bet. I went for the Model 2 because I am the ripe age of 32. Which made me wonder, what has happened to my vagina in 2 years? Has it grown? Is it slowly leaving my body and leading others in a mass exodus? Should I send it on its way with a packed lunch and yell “Do you have cab money? Don’t forget to write!”? So many questions.
When it was finally time to insert this baby (which was the morning I was running late for work and was sweating in my bathroom; clearly the best choice), I carefully read the instructions. How in the name of all that is holy do you get this thing inside you? Lucky for us, there’s a handy picture:
Let me tell you, I returned to this instruction booklet quite often in my Diva Cup trial. Here’s an important lesson that I will tell you: if you are leaking (and PLEASE wear a pad as a back up until you get the hang of it; you don’t want a freakish nightmare to happen at work) that means the cup is not open all the way inside you. Pull that guy out, rinse, and try again. I went with the first fold type, which is the first picture in the instruction booklet. If you want to know if it’s opened up all the way inside you, simply grab it by the base and make sure you can turn it around 360 degrees. Voila! Open and ready for business. And here’s the best news you’ll hear: you can leave that sucker in for 12 HOURS. You heard that right, friends. If you leave for work at 7 am, you don’t have to worry about sneaking tampons to the bathroom at the office. You can take your cute little butt home, cook dinner, sneak in a workout, and change the Diva Cup at 7 pm. BOOM. Life changing.
After a few snafus on Friday (twas not open all the way at one point), I took it out/cleaned it/reinserted it a whopping 6 times during my entire period. That’s it. When I woke up on Saturday morning, I thought it had come out because I could not feel it. Then I just let that bad boy ride until it had been 12 hours.
A common misconception is that the Diva Cup will overflow from the crazy amount of menstruation our bodies produce. I have learned that the average woman menstruates, on average, a total of 2 ounces in their whole period. The Diva Cup holds 2 ounces. No one (hopefully) should overflow this baby. Unless you have a heavy flow and wide-set vagina a la Mean Girls.
The Diva Cup is so rad that it includes its own pouch for storage or travel. Feeling sassy? Wear the included Diva Cup pin proudly. I mean, I’ll make fun of you if you do, but YOLO, homies! If you’re curious, the Diva Cup is so not the only game in town. Many other companies have gotten on the menstruation cup wagon and are letting their freak flags fly:
The Mooncup, the Lunette, the Lady Cup…the list goes on and on! Get out there and give it a whirl. It feels AMAZING to produce no waste during my period, to not have to worry about it for 12 hours at a time, and to feel confident and comfortable. And I get to tell those stupid tampons to grab the closest bag of rocks, pour them on the ground, and proceed to kick them all.